Midlife Unpacked

One of the upsides of getting older is that your kids do the same. On the other side of 50, our kids can drive themselves to where they need to go, cook their own food and, provided you hand over access to your credit card, even do the shopping. We are, credit card access aside, surplus to requirements. At least in terms of physically managing their day to day lives for them.

I’ll be honest, this, ah, restructured relevance, shall we say, takes a little bit of getting used to. But  when I’m done massaging my ego back into place, there are many upsides to be noticed in this changing landscape.

Like, heading off the Bali for an adults-only long weekend. This feels ridiculously indulgent to me. But I’m not sure why. It’s not really the distance. Bali is only an hour further than Perth, and I’d happily shoot over there for a long weekend. Maybe it’s because you have to have passport in hand, navigate border control and be back for your Tuesday afternoon lecture? Maybe it’s because our son is heading down to the snow to snowboard for the weekend, and it feels a long way to get home if something goes wrong. Nothing does, thank goodness, except for a ripped pair of snow pants and a bruised finger. All that worry for naught.

Maybe it’s because I know in two weeks’ time I’ll be holidaying with our other child on the other side of the world (yes, I am typing this from Spain).

Bali is everything we’ve come to expect. We arrive to a chaos of badly managed queues, and the soaking warmth of a tropical island. It’s the third time we’ve come here in less than two years, and it’s beginning to feel like home. We are familiar with the noise and hustle, know to order our car beforehand, and avoid money changers at the airport. And we know it takes an hour to travel less than 20km, such is the state of the roads, and traffic mayhem. Relaxing into it is the Bali way. I want to buy a house here.

Our little hotel villa thing is a hop and a skip from the beach, and so that is what we do. Laze by the pool. Walk on the beach whilst surfers catch waves. Eat food at less than half of what it would cost in Sydney. We sleep a lot and watch the sun go down over the sea from beanbags with cocktails in hand.

The sunsets are spectacular, as they tend to be anywhere the sea is involved. Bali is not Perth, my other favourite place for sunsets. Bali is dirtier, crowded, and plastic waste is a massive issue. It’s grittier, I suppose, and even the sunsets feel more textured. But the locals are wonderful, the food great, the weather decidedly better than Australia in winter, and the sunsets, as I’ve said, are glorious. It feels very real. I like real. It’s definitely more my vibe than beach clubs, which I find pretentious and over-hyped. Those you can keep.

That’s another upside of getting older, I’m finding. You come to know what you like, and you stop wasting (as much) time and energy trying to fit in with the rest of the world. I’ve spent much of my life with an anxiety induced need to fit in, so I will be liked and feel safe. With age, I’m less bothered by other people’s opinions. More confident in my own value and sense of place. Not completely. But certainly there is a more of this confidence and less of the insecurity of youth. #upside.

Still, I wonder if my feeling of “indulgence” comes from a sense that it is not the norm to be zipping off to Bali for a long weekend. A societal echo that life is about structure and obligation, and freedom itself is indulgent.

Certainly, it is not about luxury, money wise. We’re not particularly partial to that sort of thing. Our escape to Bali is on a cheap as chips airline, and we stay in a cheap as chips location, but obviously it costs more than just staying at home.

In truth, our weekend in Bali is less about indulgence and more about fruition. We’ve actively planned our lives towards freedom. Structured our careers and the way we work to enable freedom. Maybe that sense of  “indulgence” is just something to get used to as our children age out of childhood and into young adults, and life becomes more about what we want and need, and less about the day to day hustle of life. 

Maybe that just takes some getting used to 😉