AKA – how to have hope in times of uncertainty.
Somewhere along the line in my grown-up life, I developed a sense of hopelessness about humans. Often it manifests as frustration. Sometimes, as now, despair.
I feel it particularly when confronted with matters of faith (all types), misogyny, tribalism of any kind, and racism. Along with mob behaviour, and our drive for status, these cognitive biases lead to much suffering in the world, ultimately our own, and certainly that of our fellow humans.
These things are, largely, endemic to human nature. That huge swathes of people choose faith over reason, indulge in tribal thinking and strut around with a sense of entitlement should not depress me as much as it does. It is to be expected.
We are credulous primates, evolved in the furnace of hierarchical social groups, where comfort comes from feeling like someone powerful is in charge. And we have selfish genes that fight for their survival. We are, by nature and survival instinct, self-interested. We are this way naturally, and it is only with eyes wide open to it that we can try and avoid the traps humans naturally fall into.
But how do you find yourself in the lucky position of having your eyes opened?
It is a fact that we don’t have a lot of free will. Almost everything we do and think, including this, is driven by subconscious processes running off algorithms programmed by thousands of years of evolution.
We don’t choose our “souls”, or the pre-existing conditions that lead to our current circumstances and decisions. We don’t choose our genes, which builds our brains, or how we are nurtured and the environment we grow up in, which wires it together.
Brain imaging studies show that whether you are politically liberal or a conservative can be predicted by where in your brain certain stimuli are processed. You do not choose this, even though it feels like you do. The same is true for whether you are religious or not. God believers and atheists process information differently.
I know all of this. Why am I letting it get me down?
News flash – because one of the biases we have is a negativity bias. And I am caught in its grip.
We don’t consciously generate our thoughts. We have no idea of what we are thinking until the thought already exists. But those thoughts colour our mind and mood as surely as painting by numbers.
The role of attention
One of the cognitive systems in our heads is attention. Attention is the gateway to consciousness. Our attention system determines what stimuli comes into our brains for processing. We may or may not take in everything at some low level, but we are certainly only conscious of a minuscule of what is available to us.
Attention is a two-sided system.
Exogenous attention is that which reacts automatically to particular stimuli. Colours, bright lights, certain sounds. The piercing noise of a fire alarm, the ding of a notification on our phone or watch, the cry of a baby (at least for mothers). We can’t control our reactions to these things, they’re part of our brain that keeps us safe.
The other part of our attention system relates to endogenous attention – top down processing where what we notice is driven by the goals we set. Make a conscious decision to focus on red things in the environment and that’s what will jump out at you. Focusing on the shitty things people do is similar. What you focus on, you see. (That’s why confirmation bias is a nasty beast).
We determine the lens of our attention, whether we’re actively aware of doing it or not. We have, then, the capacity – the choice – to consciously shape the lens that leads to our thoughts. This is mindfulness. A determined practice to notice what the lens is, and shape it accordingly.
I forgot, and my thoughts were dark. But choosing mindfulness is a powerful antidote to despair.
Here is how we find hope, and with it, a sense of peace; a doorway to wellbeing and joy.
By tuning our attentional lens to seeing the good. We have to choose to count our blessings, and seek out the moments of good in the world, for we have a bias towards negativity. And seeing the good, makes us feel better about ourselves and the world we live in. If we focus on the good things, we will see them, for they exist in multitude.
For example.
The opportunity for love, for friendship.
The feel of a hug.
The voice of your child on the phone from across the sea.
The chatter over coffee after a run with strangers who have become friends.
The pleasure of eating good food in fine company, with a carefully crafted cocktail to hand.
A walk with a friend whilst the sun comes up.
The sense of joy that comes with connection, feeling heard and being seen.
The transformative power of music, architecture and the breathtaking beauty that lies in acts of creation and artistry.
A murmuration of thousands of starlings against the orange sky on a pebble beach.
Look for the helpers suggests (now) happiness guru Dan Harris (and Mr Rogers). Because they are there – humans doing good for others, for no reason. Not because they want to go to heaven or feel good about themselves. But just because there is something to be done. Someone who needs a hand. Noticing the helpers lifts the mind out of despair. Being a helper yourself is shown to improve your overall wellbeing. Be a helper.
Our human nature may be dark and selfish in many respects, but it also has the capacity for wonder. It gets off on awe, and awe reminds us about what is beautiful and worth fighting for in life. It makes us feel connected to the very universe from which we are fashioned. It reminds us that we are part of something magnificent – life, and that there is more to us than our tribal squabbles, our religious stories or our need for power.
Chase awe, suggests Dr Julia Baird. Seek the bio luminance of life. The utterly unexpected sparks of colour and light that sing in our hearts. Auroras in the sky, a sunrise, turtles in a crystal sea, the sight of whales playing off a rugged coastline. A stadium concert full of dancing lights, 80 000 voices singing as one. All of these things speak to us viscerally, reaching into the very atoms of our being and setting them to vibrate. If we choose it.
The universe is almost certainly full of noise and randomness. The idea of there being some future place towards which the universe is bending seems wreathed in wishful thinking. Matter and energy run along in systems shaped by physical laws without interference or direction from some higher being. But so often, more often that you’d think, there are moments of serendipity. When the random acts of disconnected moments line up perfectly enough to walk through to a different tomorrow, if only you’re open to saying yes. Moments of unplanned joy that come from being in just the right place at just the right time. You don’t need to believe all of that is crafted for some higher purpose (it seems deeply unlikely), and the fact that it isn’t makes it even more awesome. Noticing serendipity leads to optimism (at least in my own experience) and opportunity.
And what about us? This species of naked ape not that long, in the history of life, descended from the trees. I remind myself that self-interested and tribal is not all that we humans are. Over and over again humans show themselves to be kind and curious and creative. Empathetic and altruistic. Artists and dreamers, and justice seekers intent on fairness and trying to make the world a better place.
Noticing the good in humanity reminds me that we’re worth fighting for. And fight we have to, for the programming toward negativity, tribalism and self interest is millennia deep, and we all need help climbing out of the cave and into the light.
We have this over our primate cousins. To choose to fan the flames of hope, even when times seem dark, and the collective better angels of our nature are momentarily silenced. To choose to see the inherent beauty that also exists in the world, and to nourish ourselves and others with connection, friendship, kindness, curiosity, knowing we are part of it. Along with chaos and heartbreak, life serves up wonders, everywhere. You just have to choose what you focus on.
Onwards in hope!
Sharlene
Other Reflections –
Lessons from Spain – Embracing transitions and looking forward.
Midlife Unpacked 
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